Faith in Every Footstep - Day 3; Women's Pull

I really don't know if I can do this event enough justice. I take comfort in knowing that I hold much more than I could write in my heart. I hope that whatever I can express here will serve to remind me of an experience that has changed me.

This special event was created with the grim fact in mind that many of the Pioneer men died trying to help their families across the plains. They often gave their meager rations to their wives and children, therefore depriving themselves of much needed nutrition. They often exhausted themselves pulling the handcarts without asking for help. Sadly, this meant that so many of them left this life and their families behind. As the missionaries called our Priesthood men away from us, we stood with our hands over our hearts and watched them trudge away in two lines along the sides of the trail. You will have to read Geoff's account to know what happened to them.

My very good friend Kelli talked to the women as we stood at the bottom of the hill. She had her own trial as she felt the adversary working against her being able to give the talk. She spoke with the Spirit of the Lord and the unquenchable fire of testimony. She told us that we can do hard things. She talked of our worth as Women. She lit the fire in all of us.

As we turned back to our carts, our family turned out to be one of the smallest. We had 2 grown women and 2 growing women. We started out with Ma Brittany and I pulling and Kyra and Julisa pushing. Up to this point, I had been spending a fair amount of time placing a wet bandana over different parts of my face and neck to keep from overheating. My face doesn't sweat. I knew with no one to spell me off that I must pull without letting go until we reached the top or I would let my family down. As we started to walk, I started to pray. "Please let me do this. Please don't let me overheat. Please don't let me faint and make people worry about me. I know I can do this with Thy help." As I closed my prayer, the faintest puff of cool air caressed my face and I smiled, knowing the Lord was behind me. I kept waiting to feel the familiar heat in my cheeks and it never came.

It was not easy. It was hard. We were going uphill in the sand. Even though I am pretty tough being Becca's Mom and all, I know I did not walk completely on my own strength. As we neared the top, the families with more girls turned and came back to help those of us still coming. All was done in silence and Geoff told me how hard it was for him to watch without being able to help.

We did it!

As we were milling about at the top, everyone was looking at something and I turned to see what. As Suzy began telling a story into the microphone and I recognized the names, the tears began to leak out again. Geoff said to me, "It's Michelle. And she's pulling Brian!" They were reenacting the story of Jens and Elsie Nelson. Jens' feet became so frozen that he could not walk on them. At the bottom of Rocky Ridge, a high stony peak, on a stormy, snowy near-zero day and night, he could go no further. He begged his wife to leave him there and go on without him. She refused and loaded her much, much bigger husband into the cart and threw her tiny frame against the braces of the handcart and towed him up and over Rocky Ridge.

 To watch Michelle and Brian was heart wrenching. He was trying to turn the wheels from inside the cart as she struggled. Their trek family was standing and waiting to help, but they wouldn't let them go. When she was still struggling, but not coming any closer, they let them go, one by one, to help. They were her angels. When they made it to the top, the missionaries turned the microphone over to them and let each of them speak. Brian talked about how HARD it was to watch her and not be able to help. The "Aunt" of their family talked about how she was ANGRY at first that she couldn't help her. One daughter mentioned that we would have been ANGELS then and perhaps we were some of the ones that came to her rescue. Our petite Tracy took the microphone and simply stated, "She was 4 feet 11, that's how tall I am." Michelle said afterwards that her chest was burning. She is a very, very fit person. She runs, pushing her girls in a jogging stroller often. She said after trying to train for this that she realized that there was no way to train for it. Elsie didn't either. She just knew she had to get her husband over Rocky Ridge so they could get to the Valley and be Sealed for time and eternity. They ended up losing their only child, Jens, and the foster daughter they were helping across the plains to meet her sister in the Valley.

Faith in Every Footstep - Day 3

Today we trekked around Sixth Crossing where we have been camped. We decided as a group that we wanted to slow things down and have more time for contemplation. As families, we waited before leaving so that there were several minutes in between each family group. This was my favorite day for trekking because of that. Our family's way of bonding was to laugh together. We had so much fun just talking and joking and teasing each other. It was the type of communication that worked for every one of us. We really enjoyed each other. We had several inside jokes, but I can't tell you since you're not one of the family. Sorry! ;)

As we were taking our time another Trek Group came up on us in a big hurry. They were a very large group and so some of our groups at the end let them catch up and pass rather than them hurry us on our way. A couple of them expressed envy at our group's slower pace. I really am so glad that we slowed things down this day.

As we were walking, we saw one of our groups off to the side all kneeling down. We quieted as we came up on the Blackhurst family all kneeling around a shallow hole with their Pa's shirt with a blue baby afghan laying in it. Sister Blackhurst really is expecting and she is my friend, so to watch her burying a baby really started my tears. Their faces as they knelt there with tears in the kids' eyes got me, too. I simply cannot imagine burying my child along some trail I will never have the opportunity of traveling ever again. I can't fathom not knowing where my child's body was because I had no means of marking it. Or far, far worse not knowing where they were because the wild animals in the area desecrated their resting place.

(Picture to come)

Just as we get past that experience, they came and chose one person from each family to pass into the immortal realm. They came and tied a white arm band around Kyra's arm and took her away from us. We were all kind of shock at first. I turned and saw my good friend's family and she, the Ma, was the one that had died. Her husband stood with his arms around his trek kids and the looks on their faces...! We talked about losing a daughter and a sister. And then we talked about losing Kyra. I, knowing her the best, talked about the things I admire about her. She is incredibly smart, like dizzyingly intelligent. She is way better at Math than I ever hope to be even including my college degree. She is very compassionate and is always thinking about others. She is hilarious! She is so witty and always makes me think. We really, really missed her as we began to walk again.

As we walked up on our "angels," they were all standing along the trail with their heads bowed, watching over us. The first person I saw was my friend Kelli who I had been walking with every morning and texting with everyday and we are practically family. My eyes filled with tears as soon as I saw her and before I had taken very many more steps, I was audibly sobbing. Seeing everyone standing there reverently and realizing how many lives they represented that had to leave their families behind to suffer on the trail really did me in. So many mortal lives ended along that trail. I can't help but think they must have spent so much of their next life watching over those that were still walking to the Valley. How hard for those of us left behind!

Our Angels

 After lunch, we did the Women's Pull. It was easily my most favorite Spiritual experience and I feel that it needs its own post to really do it justice.

The first night that we did Square Dancing, the missionaries seemed to be functioning under the assumption that we had never done these dances before and so they were very instructional. This time they knew that we knew them and so jumped right in! They were calling things so fast, it left me breathless! This was not helped by the contest some of the boys seemed be having between themselves to see who they could throw the furthest while spinning them around!! McKay sent me spinning! I was relieved to have the dance quit right before I danced with Ryker because I saw how far he was throwing his partners! It really was so much fun!

Tonight the Pioneer Express rider visited us. Before the Pony Express, they had the Pioneer Express which delivered mail in a 6 week loop between the last settlement in the east out to Salt Lake. Ephraim Hanks was  a famous Pioneer Express rider, as I mentioned before. Tonight, the rider brought letters for the kids from their folks back home. I know that my good friend and Beehive Advisor worked tirelessly to make sure every person on Trek got a letter! They all went off to read their letters and enjoy that bit of home after being gone for 3 days. :)

After personal time, we gathered again as families. Again, our family just really enjoyed each other's company. Kyra

Our family also holds a tender endearment to cow chips. And I don't mean Pringles! ;D I can't explain it and I won't say much more other than it was suggested that at our Pace-d Patty stand we should also say shellacked cow pie clocks. We would of course use the winners of an undisclosed contest involving the petrified gems of the prairie. It should also be noted that as we sat around the family fire enjoying our Pace-d Patties, Ben got a mosquito bite in his ear.

Faith in Every Footstep - Day 2

 Today we drove over to Martin's Cove. The Willie Company and the Martin Company knew about each other and travelled somewhat close together, but their stories ended quite differently. The Willie Company was in Salt Lake by the time the Martin Company was finally all rescued and on their way. I knew a lot of little details from all of the personal stories that I read. It was a really neat experience to walk in the places that they walked.

Martin's Cove is up against some rocky hills amidst miles and miles of rolling hills. I couldn't help but think that it must have been hard to be able to see so far, in a way. One of my coping skills is to take a step back and try to see the whole picture. It helps me to quantify my trials in the terms of how much of my life they actually take up. Usually it helps me to see that things are not so bad in the great scheme of things. Walking hundreds of miles to a place you've never been, it must have been so hard to take that figurative step back only to see hundreds and hundreds of more miles towards a place you only hoped had a place for you in it. We joked about having "bonnet vision" where you could only see what was right in front of you. I think I would have had to force myself to focus on taking that next step and only thinking about them one at a time. Probably not all the time! Most of the time, I'm sure they looked forward to Zion and Temple covenants and their optimism and testimonies fueled their steps for sure.

The Martin Company was in much more dire need of help by the time they were rescued. I find it interesting to note that the rescuers didn't just scoop them up and carry them off. The first rescuers to reach them were on horse back because they had left the supply wagons to hunt them down. Nobody was quite sure where they were. When they did find them, they had them give out slightly bigger rations and then they had to walk for 3 days to get to where the rescue wagons were. When they got there, the rescuers had built big fires and put up tents (which the bedraggled saints hadn't had the energy to do for days). It must have been such a welcome sight! But they still had to use their own feet (mostly frozen feet) to get there. I think Heavenly Father watches us struggle and wants to help us and so often sends help, but we still have to get ourselves out of the mess. He knows how much stronger we will be if we do it ourselves. If you have ever read any stories from any of these pioneers, you can feel how strong their testimonies were. They used their own personal refiner's fire to its greatest advantage.

Tressa and Suzy played some beautiful prelude music as we rounded the rocky hills to find Dan Jones Cove. As we came around the corner and heard the beautiful strains from the flute played by Tressa, complimented by the harmonizing guitar, it really set the tone for our time there. When the company did reach this place, they had no room for them in the one building that was previously a trading post. They tried to shelter them in the coves created by the rocky hills there to wait out the storm. The storm was so bad that there was little relief to be found. We knelt and prayed in Dan Jones Cove, all of us together. As Brother P. voiced the prayer, I could feel the knitting of hearts happening.

We did a reverent river crossing this day. For us, the sun was shining and it felt nice to get our feet wet. When the pioneers crossed the Sweetwater river over and over, it was in freezing temperatures and snow and ice. The stories talk about the ice floating on the water and cutting their legs. My good friend Michelle B. and I were standing on the banks waiting for our turns. We talked about how at each crossing you would have to worry about if it would be over your kids' heads or not. Or how you would get them all across with the least amount of trips through the icy water. I was in tears before I even crossed.

Right before we crossed the water we sat around the statues dedicated to the (at least) 4 young men who took it upon themselves to carry everyone they could across. The statues are heart rending. One held a little boy on his hip and then when you look closer, you can see a little nose sticking out of a blanket inside his jacket where a baby lay in his other arm. Two men carry an old man with a long beard and a bandaged foot together, walking sideways. One carries a girl about the size of my daughters with her head on his chest. I'm sure they had a glimpse that day of the great deed they were doing. I hope they are still allowed the privilege to glimpse the impact those lives they saved has had to this day. There are generations of people now here that came from those people they lovingly carried when they couldn't carry themselves.

As I was crossing the river, holding on to a previously-placed guide rope and on a warm day, I tried to imagine ice floating in the water and the current pushing on my already-weakened legs. I watched as Grant walked across by himself with his arm in a sling, knowing that he would have carried many across if he could have, but he couldn't. I watched Ben carry his sister Tracy across who had earlier been riding in a rickshaw because her foot hurt from a previous injury. I watched our Pa carry our Ma across, both grinning. I watched Jake carry his Mom across with a determined look on his face - he didn't stumble once. I watched a crowd of boys that would have crossed back over and carried more of us if the missionary had let them. I watched Mitshell and Miguel watch from the bank, not being able to cross for health reasons and probably wishing they could. As we walked back to our things in bare feet, I imagined the bloody tracks that cracked and raw feet left in the snow all those years ago when their shoes finally gave out. I imagined the fear and loss they must have experienced after each and every wintry river crossing. As we left, we walked past the even smaller stream that some had to be carried across because after all they had borne, they could not stand the thought of crossing one more stretch of water.

Levi Savage talked to us tonight. At the last minute they gave me Giovanna and Jordyn to add to my Spiritual committee. Jordyn walked for Levi Savage and so I asked him to give the thought as part of the devotional this night. He got up and talked about how Nephi did what he was asked to do even when it seemed impossible. Levi Savage knew how hard that trek would be for the pioneers under his care. He urged them not to go so late in the season. When they opted to go anyway, he got up again and said that since they had decided to go, he would go with them even if it meant dying with them. Several accounts mentioned this story and all of them also talked about how hard he worked alongside them. Jordyn did an amazing job relating Levi's story to Nephi's. Giovanna gave the prayer in Spanish which was so appropriate with our friends from the Spanish Branch there. She prays with such a sweet spirit that even though I don't understand the words, I can feel of her love for her Heavenly Father and she is an obvious example of how much He loves her, too.

Our kids played together every chance they got. One of the missionaries said that most groups divide off into smaller groups in the evenings to hang out. They were impressed that all of our kids played together. They had this ninja slap game and a tail snatching game. On one of the other days they even dominated Red Rover. They would play until it was dark and our Trek Mama would blow her whistle to send them off to bed.

Geoff decided he was too cold on the air mattress fully inflated and so he slept on the ground. I tried to sleep on the mattress, but without him there to hold down the other side, I was pretty much on the ground, too. Luckily taking my joint stuff and Aleve and walking a ton kept me in the manageable pain zone. 

Faith in Every Footstep - Day 1

We had a fair share of transportation drama with this trip. We went from buses to 15 passenger vans to Ward members' vans. In the end, we ended up with 2 rented vehicles and 10 Ward member's vans and trucks. We were told to be at the Church at 4:44 am since we wanted to leave by 5:30. We ended up leaving at 6:30. This did not set the pattern, though. We were usually early or right on time since our inspired Trek leaders had wisely built in extra time into our schedules. I say getting 66 people out the door with all their stuff that early in the morning was a great accomplishment!

Right before we left, they gave us our families. As leaders, we anticipated resistance and complaining or even rebellion, but either they were super tired that early in the morning or anxious to get going because all we heard was excitement. Geoff and I got to be the crazy aunt and uncle in our family. Our Ma and Pa were Steve and Brittany (all last names withheld to protect the innocent. ;) and we had 2 nephews, Ben and Steven (obviously named for his Pa) and 2 nieces, Julisa and Kyra. I can't even begin to describe how inspired our families were. 

Geoff and I ended up driving after the desperate call for vehicles went out the night before we were supposed to leave. We scraped out the layers of kid clutter and threw our tent and buckets in the back. We ended up with an all-adult vehicle and I can't say I didn't love that! It was quiet. We toted the Trek leaders, Nick and Kimberly, and a Ma and Pa who were the liaisons for the Spanish Branch, Bob and Paz. I am so glad we invited the Spanish Branch to come with us. It was neat to get to know them better and even though their numbers dwindled, I am glad for every one of them that ended up able to come!

We arrived in Wyoming and ate our sack lunches. Not shockingly, several of the kids had finished their lunches in the car. We delayed setting up camp for our first trekking and I can't say that I wasn't worried that we'd be putting up tents in the dark. We didn't. We camped at the Willie site and had the place pretty much to ourselves. We weren't a very large group and we were early in the season which resulted in us having a giant campground. We dropped off some of the men so they could bring the handcarts to camp and drove our precious cargo and all of their stuff up the rest of the way.

Our first walk as pioneers opened my eyes as to how much weaker I am physically than they were. Four of our family members stopped at the bathroom and four of us kept going and it was MUCH harder, but we couldn't stop or we'd be left behind. We eventually stopped and waited for them to catch up. Many, many years ago, there were those that were either too weak to go on or left to catch up late into the night and I realized how abandoned they must have felt. All that the rest of the company was doing was putting one foot in front of the other over and over. And while that kept putting them one footstep closer to Zion, I think it must have felt quite hopeless for those that had to stop for any great length of time.

This was the first time we got to get to know each other as a family. Ben is incredibly strong! He could probably walk all day with that handcart and he was very tired this day, not having slept much the night before. Steven is so tall and wiry and he and Ben have so far done the lion's share of pulling. Julisa is very quiet. I keep drawing conversations out of her even though she only gives short answers. Kyra is, of course, already my friend. :) She is extremely funny and fun to tease and talk to. Steve and Brittany are great parents to us all. I have always loved talking to Brittany, I'm looking forward to getting to know them better. She and I make a great team with our disparate heights. :)

You know, I've been this height for a long time now, but I've not heard so much about it as I have today! From in here, I forget how tall I am from outside of myself. It's not that fun to be reminded so often, but they'll get over it! I just use all of my usual answers and laugh it off. :)

We walked through our first water today. We walked quite a ways in marshy grass before we got to some clear water. The marsh also doubled for a cattle toilet, if you catch my meaning. Ick! First we pulled our handcart through. And by "we" of course I mean Ben and Steven.

 

Then we helped ourselves across trying not to get our skirts too wet.

Oh Johnny! Oh Johnny! Oh!

We practiced square dancing tonight. We had one youtube-assisted practice before we came and I guess we did pretty well because the kids jumped right in and danced great. The Senior Missionaries were SO cute as our callers and extra partners. "Oh Johnny" gets stuck in my head all the time now! It's just like "The Song that Never Ends," because it just keeps going around and around. The kids really get into the dancing... it's more like a work out!

As the sun went down we got to hear from a missionary acting as Ephraim Hanks. He said his friends call him "Eph" which is what we call Ethan all the time. He was a really cool guy! He had a great relationship with the local Indians and was called on often to keep the peace. He rode for the Pioneer Express, which was a pre-cursor to the Pony Express. It travelled the route the pioneers did before the train, but as fast as he could on horseback by himself. It took most people 6 weeks, Eph could do it in 23 days. By him doing that, Saints could get letters to and from their families every 6 weeks. I can't imagine only hearing from my sister every 6 weeks instead of being able to pick up the phone or write her an email!

Ephraim Hanks

Our tent is a good size for us and I loved the softness of the air mattress. The temperature did not agree with Geoff, he shivered most of the night. I wasn't cold, though. Weird. We each rolled up a quilt in our 2 warmest sleeping bags. The campground is pretty sandy and very, very open. The half-height mountains are very far away and the landscape is rolling molehills compared to what we're used to. Lots of room for the wind to rush around in.

Can't wait for tomorrow!!

Things You Will NEVER Hear My Husband Say...

No, no more brownies for me, thanks!

You wanna have an Anne of Green Gables marathon? I can't wait!!

That dinner was disgusting!

One more level? Nah! I think I'm done playing video games for a while.

You feel like writing today? Too bad! Clean the house instead!

I think I'll just run in Home Depot and right back out again!

My computer has quite enough memory, my video card is great and  my monitor is just the right size.

Your talents are not as important as mine.

Any dirty diapers need changing? I just had a hankering.

You wanna take a quick 3 mile jog?

I needed a haircut, so I stopped off at the barber and paid money for one.

I give up!

I'm glad they canceled Futurama, Firefly and IT Crowd, let's watch some type of sporting event instead.


I love you, Hubby. We are such a great team! We laugh SO hard sometimes which is what drew me to you in the first place. You support me and listen to my crazy ideas and world-changing amazing inventions. I'm so glad we're in this together... life would be so boring without you! I'm glad I get to hang out with you for eternity... we're gonna have so much fun!

Happy Valentines Day!!

P.S. His list is here.

On Writing

I woke up this morning musing about my past writing teachers. It probably has everything to do with my reading On Writing by Stephen King until my eyes drooped last night. Geoff's pal from work recommended it since he knows I like to write and already I'm in love with it and I've only read about 30 pages. Thanks, Randy! I remember my Dad reading Stephen King all the time and making me wait until I was older and then only letting me read his compilation of short stories. That book had a picture of a hand wrapped like a mummy with eyeballs all over the hand peeking out from underneath the wrappings. I remember my Dad telling me that if a story got too scary, to stop reading it and try another. As I type this, I've just realized I could read everything he's written if I wanted to. Do I want to? Some might say Stephen King is creepy, if he is, he's Brilliantly so! Anyway, this book about writing is awesome, but that isn't what I wanted to blog about.

Mrs. Thompson was my eighth grade English teacher. She must have loved to write because she assigned us to do it all the time. In my mind, there are two types of English teachers... those who make you read and those who make you write. I think both are fantastic and I could do either one for hours! I remember reading Great Expectations with Mrs. Thompson, or at least doing things related to that book. I honestly can't remember if we actually read it or if we read excerpts and she elaborated on them. I remember doing a project where I made a wedding cake with spiderwebs and bugs all over it because of the Benefactor's wedding cake that she still had in her house. (I need to read that book again, the details are getting hazy) I also remember Will (and probably Russ), sitting under the skylight reflecting light from his watch onto Mrs. Thompson's blouse. He got too close to her eyes, she saw it and he had to move seats.

I still have examples of my writing from that era. I didn't date everything I kept, unfortunately, so I'm not entirely sure what is from that period... although I can take a pretty good guess by the printer things were printed on. Daisy wheel mostly, at that time. I remember having a story that I'd started as a kid, probably when I was around 10 years old or so, that I pulled out and worked on again in Mrs. Thompson's class. It was about a girl who lived in a small town and her best friend had been kidnapped into a cave in the mountains. She goes in to save her and meets Medusa... snakes for hair and turning people into stone and all. I remember Mrs. Thompson thinking it was cool that I already liked to write adn being very encouraging.

The very next year when I was a Freshman in high school, I had Mrs. Peterson for English. She is one of those people who you can tell right away you're going to remember forever. She was very short (to me) and had short dark hair. She loved Gone With the Wind and had a big poster of it in her classroom. As I recall, she had also written a sequel screenplay. She also had a guillotine in her classroom, replica I'm sure. She gave us actual Turkish Delight when we talked about the Chronicles of Narnia and I also remember that she loved the Great Gatsby. Truthfully, I don't remember much about the actual English class other than what I've just told you, but she let me into her Creative Writing class.

My very first Creative Writing class. Where the bug bit and bit hard! Three students in that class still stand out to me. They were all older than me. She had given special permission for me to join the class. Two tall exceptionally gorgeous girls named Thressa (the infamous Will-the-reflector's sister) and Heather and a kid with blond curly hair who wanted to be a mortician who was also the class clown. Mrs. Peterson loved to give him the stink eye, but you could tell that she had a soft spot for him. Thressa and Heather were so motivating to me! I wanted to be just like them. I remember learning the word 'cacophony' which means a lot of loud, confusing noise. I remember passing around scents (as in little baggies with things in them that smelled), and we kept our eyes closed and wrote down what we thought we smelled. I thought coffee was bouillon!

When I knew I was moving, I hadn't seen Mrs. Peterson for a few months as a consequence of having a different English teacher the next year. I remember recognizing her from the end of a long hallway by her silhouette. I still remember standing there wondering if I should go and tell her goodbye and thank her for how much she had inspired me. I have always wished I walked down that hallway.

I've had many other English teachers. The two I had in my Utah high school were readers. And I worked on the Literary Magazine for 2 years and got lots of writing in with Mr. Frank. It's funny who stands out and who doesn't. I really wish I could tell Mrs. Thompson and Mrs. Peterson how much they have affected my life. I'm pretty sure they would enjoy knowing that. I'm sure they've heard it a thousand times from different people who are not me. I wish I could add my voice. At the risk of sounding like a missing person advertisement, if you know where either of them are, I would love a head's up.

I have a feeling that this Stephen King book is going to be a journey. As exploring a talent or a passion always is.

Love Remains

I'm having a hard time putting tonight's experience into mere words. I have to try, though, so I can always remember. 

Tonight our whole family got to meet Collin Raye.

Ever since getting to see him at the Desert Star a couple of years ago, we have been in contact by email here and there.  He is always so positive and has a great perspective on life. 

When it came time for him to do another stint at the Desert Star, Geoff prodded me into contacting him again and taking him up on his offer to come and see him. It's not that I didn't want to, you understand, but I am a big, fat chicken! I was too shy to actually ask. In the end, I am SO glad we did! 

When we got to the theater, I don't think the guys at the ticket desk believed me when I told them that Collin Raye was expecting us. I asked for my friend Jenny that works there because I knew she'd know how to help me, but it turned out she was with her daughter at a rehearsal for a different show in a different part of the building. So, I whipped (not really, Geoff had to convince me again) out my phone and texted Collin and asked him where to go. He sent his assistant Jonathan out to rescue us. :) 

Oh, Gracie! ;)

When we (all 7 of us) walked into the tiny backstage area, he just reached out and hugged us. He just exudes happiness and love. His heart is bigger than his whole home state of Texas. Almost as soon as we got there, I pulled Becca out of her chair and handed her to him. 

 

I have never seen Becca take to someone who is not family so quickly before! We'll just have to make him honorary family. ;) She was smiling and even giggled. This from my girl who has struggled with adjusting to a new room so much that she has fallen asleep most nights in tears. I was really worried that meeting someone new would be too much for her. But there she was, leaning against that gigantic heart of his, just a-grinnin'. I could tell that he loved it. I told him that I thought it would be hard to hold her after suffering the loss of his Granddaughter because so much of Becca seemed to remind him of Hayley. He just said, "I crave it." He just kept stroking her hair and giving her kisses and talking just to her. It was truly the sweetest thing. He held her until the last possible second that he needed to get ready. 

 

We talked about all kinds of things. He is very spiritually minded, like we are. He talked about how these children's bodies are more like protection from the world for a truly wonderful spirit. We also talked about how we need the Lord in our lives in order to know what to do and to help us through all the trials of caring for someone who can't tell you what's wrong. So much of Becca reminded him of Hayley. He messaged a picture to his daughter of he and Becca and he said it would make his daughter cry... in a good way. :) There is so much that connects about hearts like ours that have lived through loving someone who needs all your care and who you pour your heart and soul into caring for. I have thought so many times of his daughter and prayed for her to find peace. I know that will be me someday...

He had his trusty Jonathan find us a spot and even though we had to carry the wheelchair up some stairs, I'm so glad we were up there! We were right to the side of the stage and there was a room with some couches and a little bathroom, so we were set! I even got to text my back up drivers, my Mom and Brother, that we were doing alright and they didn't need to come and confiscate any unruly children. :D 

 Becca didn't want to be in her chair, so she sat on Mama's lap the whole show. She didn't even fuss! Do you know how big a deal that is?! Huge! When he would stop singing and talk to the audience, she would pause and perk right up. Getting to know his voice beforehand made such a difference for her. Although she wasn't as animated as she was sitting right on his lap, she enjoyed the show, the singing and the music. 

Emily and Gracie liked watching the piano player and the girl that played the bongo drums. Emily said the piano player winked at her...she loved that! (I've gotta find a way to get that girl some piano lessons!) :D Collin gave Becca and I plenty of sideways grins and winks. Such a caring guy. 

Gracie loved when he sang Amazing Grace.

Landon's Rockstar face!

Landon told me several times that he liked watching "the Rockstar." He asked when exactly he would become a grown-up when I told him that he could be a Rockstar when he grows up. :D 

Ethan had fun with the pillows on the couch, tormenting his sisters and stealing the ipod away from them. Basically, he acted like the two year old he most definitely is. 

When we went to leave, Collin watched us walk down the stairs as Geoff was manuevering the empty wheelchair and I was carrying Becca. I didn't know he was still there until, when I got to the bottom, I heard one last "Bye now!" He made sure we made it down safely before he really left us. And another super great thing about tonight:

Becca didn't cry at all while falling asleep tonight.

Big Step

You may have noticed the brand new shiny link in the top right corner. Following the protocol of clicks to get it there was an emotional journey, I can tell you. I finally decided that a person who dreams of writing a book someday really ought to share her writing. And so, I present to you my writing blog, Cleverly Bleary.

Now, it represents only a teensy tiny amount of what I have actually written, but I am proud of these stories and I had fun writing them and I'm excited to see what others think.

I love to just let my imagination gush.

I love coming up with ways to describe in words what I see in my mind.

It's cathartic... creative... cleansing... and terrifying. I'm just as afraid that no one will like it as I am that someone will. If you've ever done anything creative and tried to share it with the world, you know exactly what I mean!

These short stories are assignments I gave myself to satisfy the itch to write in an immediate, succinct way. They don't have a ton of editing done on them. I just had an idea and ran with it. I love the idea of a modern fairy tale, but not the ones that have been done a hundred times.

I hope you will bookmark it and read them all sometime, even if it's not today. And just like you would like me to do if you showed me your quilt or your photo or your baby... something you have poured your heart and soul into and are proud of, please leave me an honest comment after the post. I need to know what to work on... and what to let go. What my strengths are, if I have any.

(Whew! I just shared the blog on Facebook. My heart is racing! Here goes nothin'!)