I can talk myself out of just about anything. For instance, I've talked myself out of sleep in order to finish typing this. :) I regularly talk myself out of blogging for all kinds of distracting reasons. They're very good reasons, but there are things that, since they can't argue their side of things, end up spending a lot of time on the 'back burner.' I'm sure you're wondering what some of those things could be...
Cleaning my own room. I regularly force my children to clean their rooms, meanwhile moving stacks around in my own room in order to sleep. Granted, I don't have clothes covering every inch of carpet like they do, but I could be WAY better at making my resting room a lot more restful.
Being creative. I have a creative soul which I regularly suppress with mundane household chores. "I'll sew once I catch up on the dishes," I think to myself, fully realizing that dishes are a job that is never all the way done. "I'll write on my blog once I've sewn that dress for myself I've been meaning to." I think it is safe to say that I will eventually sew my 50s inspired dress, but if I wait until then to blog at all, my writing abilities will leak out of my ear as a dark, sticky ooze.
Reading and doing extra spiritual things during the week. I shouldn't even admit to this one, but this is easily one of the things I feel the guiltiest about as I shift it to the ubiquitous back burner. I don't mean to... I really want to read my scriptures and work on my Personal Progress goals and read extra Conference talks and I do, but not nearly so often as I should!
Taking time for myself. It's no accident that all of the things I just listed fall under this category. I am the #1 thing I neglect in my own life.
I've just come through a dark couple of weeks. You may not have noticed even if you're close to me because I hide it pretty well. The strings on my little bag of marbles have slowly been loosening and I'm pretty sure I lost a couple of them. Luckily, I have an incredible support network that helped me find them and said just the right things to help me not to feel alone and to know that I can make it. The most important revelation I had, though, was during a very tearful prayer one night. As I poured out my heart and soaked the corner of my bed, it all felt very random and hopeless and chaotic until... until I had the thought that I needed to take more time for myself. The tears slowly calmed and peace sent from a loving Heavenly Father confirmed that I needed to do more for me and not just everyone else. I was sent here to have my own experiences, not just to facilitate others'. I need to have my own joy while making joy for others. I need to remember why my husband thought I would make a good wife and pay attention to the ways that he still tells me that every day. I need to put on my own oxygen mask before I can strap one to my kids.
I am incredibly grateful for a husband who really does value who I am and what I do for my family. For my Mom who is always there with a shoulder and a cheerful "You can do it!" For two unbelievably awesome sisters who each have a unique way of encouraging and commiserating and following promptings to call me. For my brother who only has to look at me with that "Oh, really?" look in his eye that tells me I'm not fooling anyone. For friends who totally GET the disability thing and not only don't judge me for the disparaging thoughts I have sometimes, but have had them, too and it's okay. For a new day every day in which I can try new things, attempt to accomplish my goals, hug lots of people (especially little ones) and eat lots of chocolate!
Here's to trying again tomorrow to talk myself INTO doing something that is just for me!