"Looks Like Someone's Got a Case of the S'posed'as!"

Just because you can, doesn't mean you should,
Just because you should, doesn't mean you will,
Just because you will, doesn't mean you did,
Just because you did, doesn't mean you should have....

I can talk myself out of just about anything. For instance, I've talked myself out of sleep in order to finish typing this. :) I regularly talk myself out of blogging for all kinds of distracting reasons. They're very good reasons, but there are things that, since they can't argue their side of things, end up spending a lot of time on the 'back burner.' I'm sure you're wondering what some of those things could be...

Cleaning my own room. I regularly force my children to clean their rooms, meanwhile moving stacks around in my own room in order to sleep. Granted, I don't have clothes covering every inch of carpet like they do, but I could be WAY better at making my resting room a lot more restful.

Being creative. I have a creative soul which I regularly suppress with mundane household chores. "I'll sew once I catch up on the dishes," I think to myself, fully realizing that dishes are a job that is never all the way done. "I'll write on my blog once I've sewn that dress for myself I've been meaning to." I think it is safe to say that I will eventually sew my 50s inspired dress, but if I wait until then to blog at all, my writing abilities will leak out of my ear as a dark, sticky ooze.

Reading and doing extra spiritual things during the week. I shouldn't even admit to this one, but this is easily one of the things I feel the guiltiest about as I shift it to the ubiquitous back burner. I don't mean to... I really want to read my scriptures and work on my Personal Progress goals and read extra Conference talks and I do, but not nearly so often as I should!

Taking time for myself. It's no accident that all of the things I just listed fall under this category. I am the #1 thing I neglect in my own life.

I've just come through a dark couple of weeks. You may not have noticed even if you're close to me because I hide it pretty well. The strings on my little bag of marbles have slowly been loosening and I'm pretty sure I lost a couple of them. Luckily, I have an incredible support network that helped me find them and said just the right things to help me not to feel alone and to know that I can make it. The most important revelation I had, though, was during a very tearful prayer one night. As I poured out my heart and soaked the corner of my bed, it all felt very random and hopeless and chaotic until... until I had the thought that I needed to take more time for myself. The tears slowly calmed and peace sent from a loving Heavenly Father confirmed that I needed to do more for me and not just everyone else. I was sent here to have my own experiences, not just to facilitate others'. I need to have my own joy while making joy for others. I need to remember why my husband thought I would make a good wife and pay attention to the ways that he still tells me that every day. I need to put on my own oxygen mask before I can strap one to my kids.

I am incredibly grateful for a husband who really does value who I am and what I do for my family. For my Mom who is always there with a shoulder and a cheerful "You can do it!" For two unbelievably awesome sisters who each have a unique way of encouraging and commiserating and following promptings to call me. For my brother who only has to look at me with that "Oh, really?" look in his eye that tells me I'm not fooling anyone. For friends who totally GET the disability thing and not only don't judge me for the disparaging thoughts I have sometimes, but have had them, too and it's okay. For a new day every day in which I can try new things, attempt to accomplish my goals, hug lots of people (especially little ones) and eat lots of chocolate!

Here's to trying again tomorrow to talk myself INTO doing something that is just for me!

The Game of Life

Miss Green drove her own car, until (at eight years old) she married her Prince Charming and let him drive. He has black hair, by the way, jet black hair and sparkly blue eyes. He likes to wear T-shirts and shorts and shades. Miss Green became a Travel Agent after college, but unfortunately many of her clients stiffed her and she didn't make very much. She was able to afford a nice Cottage in the country and lived a quiet, uneventful life with her husband and beautiful blond daughter with brown eyes who likes to wear purple polka dot dresses.

As an Accountant, Mrs. White made most of her money off of other people's taxes. She used this to buy a beautiful Dutch Colonial house in which she raised one boy and one girl with her husband who is blond, but doesn't have a beard or a mustache. Like most accountants, she spends a lot of time with her calculator counting her "monies" and is much more concerned with how many bills there are than what is written on them.

Handsome Rob was the last one to add children to his family car, which was red, but not Ute red, just red. His color-coordinated wife has long, red hair, blue eyes, red lips and always wants to wear... you guessed it! Red! At first, he saw the advantages of not having children right off when he declared, "It's okay that I don't have any kids, cuz then I don't have to go to the grocery store for them." All of his friends' families increasing caused visible pressure on him as he soon lamented, "I don't have a very good life cuz I don't have a child." He was overjoyed when all of a sudden his family size doubled with the arrival of twin boys! What a relief they were not girls! They must have been fraternal twins, however, because one has brown hair and blue eyes and the other has red hair and brown eyes. And not only that, but they defy all rules of time as by the end of the game, the red head was 7 years old and the one with brown hair was 16!

Bella Blue really liked to go on cruises and trips, which was just fine with Miss Green since, being the Travel Agent, she collected the money every time she did. Bella Blue amassed her fortune by being a police officer and playing the stock market. Who knew there was so much money in catching speeders and chasing after a bull market? Her husband shared her love of blue by matching his eyes to his pants, both blue, while his shirt was yellow. Oh, and his shoes were black, in case you were wondering. Their daughter, named Rosie likes to wear a pink dress with black polka dots. Not surprisingly, their son Philip likes to wear blue head to toe. They live in a gorgeous Victorian house with their white cat with black stripes named Rosabel.

I think this troupe must have met at college, not the Ute one, probably Utah State. Handsome Rob's salary of $100,000 per pay day was coveted by all other players at the table. The miraculous thing was that he was able to get it back twice before losing it the final time to his sister. His ultimate claim to fame, though was that, as the doctor, he removed tattoos from Miss Green and Mrs. White! They're keeping mum as to what the tattoos looked like exactly, though.

I think that we can all agree that, when you have cousins over to stay the weekend, Everyone can be a winner at the Game of Life!!