Making Feminine History

I was able to attend the first ever Women's Conference for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints that included girls 8 years old and over with all 3 of my girls and my Mom, too. I was slightly less nervous driving in Downtown Salt Lake than I was to ride the train because I had been there before. Little did I know they would direct me away from the only place I knew where to park! Having Becca with us, we got to park across the street from the Conference Center, so everything turned out just peachy.

Things got a little confusing for me when they took Becca around the metal detector and wouldn't let me be right next to her for a few minutes. She can't talk and not touching her wheelchair in a public place makes me anxious. She is the anchor. I'm always telling the kids to hold on to the wheelchair when we're in crowded places. I didn't like letting go! After they were done touching all 3 things in my purse, we were reunited and all was well. 

Our tickets were for the balcony, but there are only stairs to access up there, so we were seated on the terrace level, which is the middle level. Emily felt dizzy even at that height. I talked her through it with words that help me in the same situation. "You're sitting in a seat and there's floor under your feet." That room is SO big! It really does make your head spin.

Becca did really great during the Conference. She loved the music. We played little hand games when she started hitting her chair and I felt like it was making too much noise. She really was quite joyful throughout the whole thing. When I left to escort the girls to the restroom, my Mom said that she was laughing right out loud. It made me wonder which angels had stopped by for a wave and a giggle.

The talks were incredibly uplifting. They showed videos that included women from all over the world of different ages. The Spirit was SO strong! My testimony is such that I really don't understand those who want to change or undermine the teachings that are as true now as they were when Christ walked the earth. I'm so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who inspires our leaders to give such wonderful speeches that lift and edify me. I can't wait for General Conference next week! What a blessed era we live in to have access to the best things our Heavenly Father has to offer us so quickly. He really does love us and wants us back SO much! 

I loved being there with my girls and the woman who was there for me when I was just a girl. I love my Mom and it was wonderful to spend some spiritual time with her. We had some really great discussions and teaching moments with my girls. An evening filled with love and light to be sure. 

I'm Spoiled So Rotten, You Can Probably Smell Me From There!

 This is the post in which I attempt to describe my wonderful weekend so I can remember it forever. A week from tomorrow is my birthday this year. It's not a nice, round number birthday. It's just another birthday. But Geoff decided to make it really special. He combined an overnight stay that we won at a Conference with a bunch of creativity and romance and made a truly great getaway.

Somewhere during the planning stages, he asked me if I would ride the train into Salt Lake to meet him. Logistically, this made a lot of sense. We could leave our wheelchair toting van with his Aunt, who would have our kids overnight and he wouldn't have to come back and forth (half an hour each way) in his car. Emotionally, this freaked me out! I get nervous driving places I've never been and somehow, rather illogically, this translated into me being scared of a train that moves on the same track back and forth. He told me a few nights early, which helped because I could get a lot of my nervous energy out beforehand... I cut out a dress and watched Chuck. :) 

Geoff forgot to take the suitcase with him in the car, so I took it with me on the train. It wasn't really in the way since I was going into Salt Lake at 3:00 in the afternoon, so it wasn't crowded. I did get asked if I was going to the airport like some sort of world traveler. ;) The train was quiet and interesting and I spent an hour looking out the window and people watching. It was really fun to see Geoff on the platform when I got there. A - it meant I had made it to the right place and B - it was an unusual place to see him from afar and he just looked so darn great! 

I was looking forward to seeing where he's been working for the past few weeks, but it was already 4:00 on a Friday and his coworkers had pretty much split, so we didn't stop by to say hi. Instead, he took me A.A. Callisters. The same one I bought myself my very first cowboy boots and jeans in high school. He bought me a pair of jeans (with just a smidge of bling) and a turquoise color woven belt. Spoiled! 

The overnight stay we won was for the Grand America. Have you been there? Wowza! Opulent. Fancy. Hoity Toity. We were on the 14th floor, facing the mountain towards home. It was gorgeous!

I love this chair and the guy sitting in it!

This room had 2 entryways before you even got to the room!

This is what I did right after we got there.

Our house is on the other side of that mountain on the left.

We dressed up for dinner and I wore the dress I had finished sewing earlier that same day. We ate at The Roof! Also very hoity toity. I felt so elegant eating my choices from the gourmet buffet. We ate beef medallions, stuffed pork chops, honey baked ham and various salads, cheeses and delectable side dishes. After perusing all of the desserts, I came back around to the cherry cheesecake. I can be talked into a lot of favors using cheesecake, for future reference! ;)

View from the windows outside of the restaurant.

Beautiful sunset while eating.

We danced around our room to the Sinatra-esque stylings of Michael Bublé and just thoroughly enjoyed each other and doing whatever we wanted and watching whatever we wanted. He even let me sleep WAY in! 

We ate breakfast at a little cafe that had yummy muffins and to-die-for caramel hot chocolate. Turns out, we were right next door to our next activity, which turned out to be watching the Hobbit 2. Lots of action, Benedict Cumberbatch's smooth tones coming out of a dragon and a great middle movie that continued the story without really finishing anything up. Love me some Legolas! It was fun to meet Tauriel, too. I'll have to mull it over and then see it again before I really process the whole thing, if you know what I mean! I love the books, so whatever they do in the movie is fine by me. If I don't like it, I'll go immerse myself in the books again. Why complain? ;) 

I am one spoiled girl to have a man that loves me so much. We've been through a lot over the years and it's really great to take a few moments to remember what a great team we are. 

Exactly!

http://www.ksl.com/?nid=1009&sid=26437361#U5sBfCLiD4RCASBX.01

"Either way, the other day at church I heard someone use the word amazing to describe the parents of a special-needs child. The word amazing is often used to describe such parents, who can find it difficult to swallow because it feels a little lofty and frankly untrue. It's a word that applies pressure, even as it attempts to indicate respect."

I am working on my ability to recieve compliments better, but this one is always hard for me. I definitely do not always feel "amazing." I know you mean well and, like I said, I'm working on it, but I would much prefer you ask me questions. We'll just sit down together underneath the pedastal and have a chat. It's easier to hear you and connect with you when we're standing side by side.

Your Child

This is a beautiful song that speaks right to my heart. I love the symbolism she uses of placing the beautiful, colorful pictures of families and special children over the top of hard words like pain, discouragment and diagnoses. Those are all still there, underneath. But their radiant spirits change those words into words full of light... love, beauty and hope. 

My Hubby did the 12 Days of Christmas for Lil' Ol' Me

If you aren't already my Facebook friend and didn't get to follow along, this is Geoff's post so you can see all the fun pictures of things.

http://geoffreysagers.blogspot.com/2014/01/12-days-of-christmas-for-wife.html

He did such a great job and it was SO fun to open each one each day. I still don't know where he hid them or when or how he put them up on their special spot on the corner of the mantle each morning. The kids made sure I opened each one before they left for the day. It was a family affair, really.

The van appraisal almost made me cry! It would be a dream come true to have a van that was easier to get Becca in and out of. I am so glad we are finally on the same page about this. We still have some giant steps to take, but this is the first one and it's in the direction that it needs to be.

The coolest part about it is that they were all just for me. In fact, most of them were things he doesn't even like. I don't buy them for me either because I'm the only one that would eat them... it seems more prudent to buy things everyone likes. Do you know the last time I put mushrooms in anything? *sigh* Everyone tried the baby corn and nobody likes that either. I might have weird taste in food, but now it means I get it all to myself!

The snowballs were embarrassing! I made him blur them out on Facebook, but obviously he didn't here. He thought himself pretty funny. And it was. But it was also embarrassing!

The jewelry holder is incredible! I have been moving earrings over as I wear them to make sure only the ones I actually wear make it over there. :) As a matter of history, my jewelry is moving over from a wooden heart necklace holder my Mom made for me when I was young and a plastic mesh earring holder that Grandma Joyce (a childhood neighbor) made for me.

Sentimental much?

Hey!

The night's not over yet, but I can see that you're getting a bit discouraged, so I thought I'd start early and then add stuff as we go. You were doing pretty good until Becca had a big seizure right as school was getting over. Driving to get her wasn't fun, I can tell. It threw off your groove! You might want to find a new way to get there before that stoplight gives you permanent anxiety, Friend. ;)

You braved the crowds at the school today and saw your kids sing their hearts out. I don't understand why they combined all of the Kindergarten and Preschool kids and made all the parents come in the morning either! I know how you just loooove a good crowd. Not! The other parents all acted like they were the ONLY parent in the room, but you could still see Landon if you tilted your head just right! And you went! You were there! And you got to drive home with just Landon and that was fun. :) It's okay that you don't attempt pictures at these things. Who needs a poorly lit faraway picture when you can have one like this:

It happened on the same day and you can see their faces WAY better! And you got to enjoy the singing instead of ending up with a swervy poorly lit video that you have to count heads in order to find your kid in.

You mailed off an order today! You even doubled it so that some lucky family gets 2 oxygen tank covers. I really hope that they get there on time for Christmas, because we all know they ordered them in enough time. Teacher gifts went to school today... Good job! You even got a personal thank you from Becca's teachers. ;) While Geoff was out there actually mailing off your order, he also picked up some fun treats for the bus drivers. They will really love them when school starts in 2 weeks... you might wanna throw those in the freezer or something. ;) 

They say something like "Thank you for being such SWEETARTS and waiting for us while we are such BUTTERFINGERS getting Becca ready. Merry WHATCHAMACALLIT... I mean, Merry Christmas!"

You're doing a great job on Donata's embroidery project. I'm pretty sure she will love whatever you end up doing... just as long as you DO it! They're not all going to live in the same house, so don't worry about the size of the letters, just go for it! You've totally got this! Two down... Eleven to go! (Ug! I shouldn't have counted until I was further along.)

Geoff needed something for his project (apparently it's for you because he hasn't let you upstairs most of the night so far ;) and while he was gone you got a toasty nap under the electric blanket. Mmmm! And he even brought home pizza for dinner! 

Since you've been quarantined to the basement you have started the last of the pajama eaters for this year. Now, let's get some more embroidery on and then keep going on the pajama eaters. Don't let the embroidery get you down... one at a time... we'll get there eventually! 

And hey, he's a couple of months old now, but you finished Hayes' blanket! Maybe you can take it to Church along with your YW gifts and be the tacky queen of the day, but people will get their stuff. Maybe you can go and hold the baby another day. You could really use a baby moment. <3

Let's finish off this post with an obligatory picture of pajama eaters. All the ones you made for this year:

Washington neices and nephew.

Tooele neices and nephew.

Forgot to put the right kind of mouths on 2 of the girl ones an didn't even realize until you had made the same mistake 4 times, but they turned out different and kinda cute. 

Hey, there!

I know you don't feel like you did much today. I know your hip felt like your leg was going to fall on the floor... and then it didn't... and then it did again. I'm sorry that it hurts and that Aleve doesn't seem to help. I thought I'd remind you what you did today that was awesome even though you hurt and Ethan is now coughing and wheezing. That's not your fault, you know. He probably caught it at a friend's house whose mom didn't mention it because she thought her kids felt better enough to have a friend over. And your boys had SO much fun with their friends.

Emily got her braces today! You picked her up, fed her and her brothers, let her brush her teeth, dropped off her brother to Kindergarten and then took her to get them. She is SO excited and she's going to not only get more and more beautiful, but she will FEEL more and more beautiful as the months go by. Look how excited Geoff is to do this for her. ;) 

This is where you sat and cuddled with Ethan this afternoon. You both dozed a little, I think. He is such a cuddly boy and even more so when he doesn't feel good. I'm sorry the phone rang just as you drifted off a little bit and that you had to run all the way upstairs to answer it, but what you did here with Ethan was important. The phone call was Geoff, by the way, not to point fingers or anything. :D

You made lasagne for dinner! Even though you didn't really feel like doing something that involved, it turned out great! Gracie caught your eye and told you very sincerely how much she liked it. And even picky Ethan ate it! Score!! He didn't eat his green beans, but he did finish his lasagne.

After dinner, you buckled down to the mountain of sewing you have. I know you didn't finish as much as you'd like, but let's focus on what you DID finish! You got all the way done with teacher gifts. Nevermind that they have to go to school tomorrow... at least you weren't trying to sew things in the morning! And you finished that oxygen tank that someone ordered. It should get there in time for Christmas if Geoff really does help you get it in the mail tomorrow. Someone's oxygen toting experience is about to get a little less clanky. :D Oh, and the Young Women Leader gifts are done now, too. You could take them to Church to hand out. Maybe that's a little tacky, but I"m sure they won't mind... all of them carry big bags to Church anyway. ;D

You know, now that I think about it, the teacher gifts were done when you started sewing tonight. You only worked on the YW ones. Go, you! The towels were done way ahead of time! And you got hand soap to go with them today at the store after braces, so you're set. Nevermind that you forgot to grab food for your assignments for your Dad's birthday Sunday. Who remembers the Brussels sprouts anyway?

Now, get to bed! You've got a busy day tomorrow! After tomorrow morning, you can turn off your morning alarm for like 2 weeks! WOOHOO!! :D

Welcome to Holland

http://www.lds.org/general-conference/watch/2013/10?lang=eng&vid=2722351290001&cid=10

I was able to sit down and watch more of Conference than I thought I would... aside from taking care of Becca during choir numbers. When taking care of her once took longer than I hoped, I heard Elder Holland's voice coming from the TV downstairs and, with a few seconds of delay, coming from the radio in the living room. I hurried and finished and scooped her up and practically ran downstairs. I had to move things off of the chair with my foot and then we plopped down together to listen. 

Elder Holland described things he can only know by being there and by seeing things through the lens Heavenly Father provides him so that he can have compassion for others. He spoke, with tears in his voice, the words so many of us suffering with depression long to hear someone say. "I've been there. It's real and horrible. You can get through it. The Lord loves You." 

Somewhere in the middle of his talk he spoke to the caregivers. The first time I heard that, sitting in the chair with Becca cuddled up to me, I heard him talking to me as her caregiver. When I've re-read the talk, he was probably still talking to the caregivers of people with depression. What I needed to hear, I heard. Being Becca's caretaker is not only hard physically. I needed to hear the love and encouragement he expressed so eloquently. It was about this time in the talk when the tears running down my face became audible sobs. My 11 year old daughter turned around and looked at me and said later that I made her feel awkward because she didn't know what to say. Neither did I! It isn't often that someone expresses thoughts and feelings you so desperately need to be acknowleged and understood from a pulpit for millions of listeners to hear.

At the close of his talk, he expressed the ideal outcome that all of us hopes for. He talked of the glorious resurrection into perfect bodies with perfect minds. I saw myself standing next to glorious Becca. Both of us free from the restraints of physical and mental disabilities. I can't even begin to describe how much hope that gave me. 

It can be dificult not to "wish our lives away" or to waste away in front of the mirror of Erised, but I think looking forward to not suffering can help put things in perspective. This life is but a short moment. Any mother will tell you that as she watches her children grow up in the blink of an eye. In the midst of a mental battle with being happy with oneself and giving in to the weight that threatens to pull us down to the depths, it is hopeful to look forward to a time when the battle is not so great... when it is not so hard... when our mortal bodies are not the enemy anymore.

Elder Holland's talk was the one I prayed for before Conference. I wasn't expecting to be so entirely understood, encouraged and uplifted. I hoped for a nugget to cling to and was given an entire mountain of strength. I'm experienced enough to know that I will forget this feeling some days. The battle with depression is not so quickly won. But I now have yet another tool in my belt to help me fight. And with Elder Holland on my side, I have a really, really good chance!!