I'm still here!

As you may or may not have noticed, I tend to have blog constipation. I wait and only write about the big stuff that happens. :D I guess you could say I have IBS... Irritable Blog Syndrome. But I so love reading other people's blogs about all the little day to day stuff, too. So, here is my offering of Ex-Lax (and my last unattractive metaphor!) and this post isn't about anything! :D

I have felt like I'm floating lately. I'm on a river, so I'm still going in some direction or another, but I don't feel like I am taking an active roll in propelling myself down the river. Pregnancy has really slowed me down, and not that it shouldn't, but my life seems to have only two speeds... really fast and really slow. The last weeks of school were insane! I ran around to 2 different schools to dance festivals and plays and delivering teacher gifts and all the while shuttling the littlest 2 in a 2-40 air conditioned van... 2-55 if I was really in a hurry! ;) And now that everybody's home I don't want to go anywhere, I don't want to do anything, I just want to sit with my feet in the kiddie pool and eat popsicles. :D

I have found, to my great surprise, that my kids can work with proper motivation and I'm not SO behind on housework as I was in previous weeks. They can be really quite charming if they are rewarded sufficiently and hopefully punished less. :D I am of course saying this after the "Bedroom Coup of the Beginning of the Week." Their room was a Disaster area with a very capital D! Clothes everywhere mingling dirty with clean, purses, necklaces, dollies, hair elastics... you name it and it was on the floor in there. And it happened much in the way a tornado does. It had been clean for what I'll call several weeks, but was really closer to a week and a half when all of a sudden the laundry bags exploded everywhere! It might have something to do with them breaking the PVC framework for the laundry sorter and the bags then slouching to the floor. After asking nicely and giving them helpful hints (why don't you pick up everything yellow first?) it wasn't getting any better, so I invaded! I kicked them outside to play and cleaned the room myself, stashing favorite books and toys and even a couple of clothing items in bags with their names on them. Since then they have had to earn back the things the invading army took by doing jobs for the general. :D Geoff and I decided that they'll do it until they get their most favorite stuff back and then they'll lose interest and then to D.I. will go the spoils of war. :D Some day it might even be their own idea to keep it clean! For now, they don't get read to at night unless everything is picked up and hopefully they'll get into a better routine.

I hate seizures! I don't even want to go into it, but I hate them so bad I can taste it in my mouth! :P Blech!!

I wish I had time to write! I've always said that if I made it a priority I could go all the way and love every minute of it. BUT I also know that if I did make it a priority, it would selfishly climb to the very top of the list and push out things like clean dishes and clean clothes and reading to my kids and walking to the park and cooking nutritious meals. And so, it sits comfortably under those things for now waiting for me to give it the time and focus it needs to really become something. Someday before I die, I hope for you to have a copy of a book on your bookshelf that I wrote and that you actually enjoyed reading. :)

So, here's to enjoying a paddleless canoe ride down a lazy river once in a while. Here's to letting things slide a little sometimes as long as I eventually get back in gear and get things done. Here's to kiddie pools and popsicles. And here's to motherhood not being perfect, but being memorable and fun and well worth the journey!

Becca's Dance Festival

Oh my goodness! We have had such a FUN morning!! Today was Becca's school dance festival! It was so adorable and fun and cute and HOT! :D It was outside and the classes would come out one door and go in the other after their dance was done. Becca's class was very first! I came running the last few steps and whipped out the video camera and just about then the announcer goes, "Here's Barb's class doing the Star Spangled Banner, please stand and sing along!" All of a sudden the heads I was going to tape over are standing up! :D LOL Some of it is in between people, but I will try really hard to get it to a place where you can see it! :D They "walked" (i.e. were pushed in their chairs) around in a circle while the music played and then they lined up at the end and waved their flags. It was just adorable!! :D Already by then I was wishing for some shade, sunscreen or some hats or all 3! :D

I thought about video taping the other classes, because they were such a riot, but instead I put it away and just danced with Gracie and Landon. :D So, sorry there are no visuals for that part, but I have to tell you some of the cutest things! Gracie loved the Under the Sea one... they walked around dressed all ocean-y and they had flippers taped to their chairs and there were mermaids, dolphins and even a King Triton! At the end, they were all wheeled under a limbo stick with fabric strips coming down off of it and they would all grin as they came through! It was so cute! You could tell they had practiced it and that they all liked going through the "waterfall." :D They also had bubble machines going and EVERYONE loved that! :D

Gracie also loved the I Want Candy number! They were all standing in a row and dancing and singing along and they were, of course, throwing candy. The best one is the big, tall boy who would grab a handful and throw it straight up in the air and it rained down on their class! :D They threw some out to us, too... eventually. :D

The hokey pokey was one of my favorites. :D The ones that could stand, stood in a line and then for the "turn yourself around" part, the two in wheelchairs were wheeled around the ones in the line and the one girl (in a chair) was just grinning the hugest grin in all the world! It was so sweet!!

We all loved the Boot Scootin' Boogie. :D They were older, higher functioning kids and one of their teachers was out in front doing the actual Boot Scoot. One of the girls kept up really well! :D The rest of the class were doing their own thing and they were all just so funny and cute! My favorite guy was a big kid with Downs and he's just walking all over in and out around his classmates. :D The other guy is so tall and skinny and talkative and he's right out in front just jumping around! They were having SO MUCH FUN! :D

At the end, we all moved all the chairs and did the Chicken Dance together. So, there's preggo Diana holding Landon and doing the Chicken Dance with Gracie! :D It was HILARIOUS!! Betcha wish there'd been a video camera turned on to ME during that one!! :D We had SO much fun and I wish you all could have been there because it is just impossible to be unhappy in a place like that!! :D

I hope you're all having just the best day ever! I love you!!!



Head on over to the Kids' Blog for more pictures! Drop me an email if you need an invite. :)

Chicks dig Scars

I think we have our first permanent mark on Landon's head. I figured I better document this fact so that someday he will be able to remember where each scar came from when he's bragging to some cute girl. :D So, for the record, he is a year and 10 months old, it happened in the kitchen when he fell of a chair and it is right next to the swirly cowlick on the crown of his head. I actually discovered it because he had blood on his forehead from where he had touched it and then touched his forehead. :D He cried for all of 7 seconds and then was up in his right chair with the seatbelt on to eat a snack after a nap. When I cleaned it he said "Ow." a couple of times, but that's it! It is a gash about a quarter of an inch long and split enough I could push the sides together to close it. It didn't bleed very much, but I'm fairly sure it will leave a scar. So there you have it! Our first lasting little boy injury... on record! :D

(You didn't really think I'd post a picture of a bloody gash, did you?) :D LOL

Anudder Brudder

Here he is in all his fuzzy glory! ;) These were printed on glossy paper and were truly the clearest ultrasound pictures I've ever seen. :) They still look a little like finger paintings or inkblots or something, but ya gotta admit, it's pretty cool technology to see an unborn baby. All his measurements were within limits and he measured exactly with the dates we had in the first place. We would have been excited for a girl, too, but we're extra excited for Landon to get a baby brother! :D He's thrilled, by the way. I'll type out his soliloquy later where he describes his unbridled happiness at the impending birth of his baby brother. :D

Thanks for stopping by and enjoy the pictures! ;)

Here is his cute little head with his fist under his chin.

Here's his boy parts. His little bum cheeks are over there on the left.

Here's his throwing arm, already flexed for action. Could be his programming arm... only time will tell!

This is my personal fave as far as blurry ultrasound pictures go. It's his tiny little foot. :) You can see the tiny toes.

Berry Patch

I made my own little berry patch today!

Last year, my Mom bought me several raspberry sticks for my birthday. That's exactly what they looked like... remember? Well, this year they are back and green and even a few little extra sprouts came up. They are in their own little garden in the corner of the yard that used to have some sort of big bush or small tree in it due to my forensic root studies. :D I've been trying to decide who was worthy to share a spot with my raspberries... I decided today!

When we bought this house, we found random strawberry plants in a couple of different places. There is a railroad tie-bordered garden along the short fence in the back yard that has heirloom lilacs in it. Last year they were just green leaves and this year they have little purple buds! Underneath the lilacs, there was a sprawling strawberry patch that had "run" amok. Above all this is the oak tree, showering leaves over all. I don't know if you've ever tried to rake leaves out of strawberries, but it's not very easy. They are low to the ground and have big leaves and would rather "hatch" the oak leaves rather than let them be combed out. The other unexpected place we found strawberries was a little strip along the edge of the grass right next to the deck. It's hard to mow around them and these strawberries don't grow very well in the near-constant shade and they weren't very happy. Not to mention the wasps that built a nest in the deck right above them and dined on them until their nest was pretty much pink!

Anyway, today I armed myself with various shovels, a kneeling pad, gardening gloves and a wheelbarrow and I trekked all of those strawberries to the other side of the yard and put them at the raspberries' feet. :) Now they will be easier to put a net over to keep the birdies from eating them and they will be much happier in the more temperate climate on that end of the yard. It is supposed to rain this weekend, which is perfect for new little transplants. In fact, it was sunny all day today (Yippee!) but right as I finished patting them all into the ground and watering them in, the clouds shaded the sun so they could rest and relax in their new bed! ;)

I am beyond excited!! I can hardly wait for all that photosynthesis to take place and to get to eat strawberries and maybe even raspberries!!

I've even gotten so brave that I want to try growing choke cherries, but I haven't decided if they'll go there by the berries or somewhere else. My Grandma Lee had raspberries and made THE BEST jam in the world! She would freeze the berries and then can jam in the winter when a hot kitchen is more desirable. :D I remember while I was at Ricks, she gave me a freezer container of raspberries and I made it last all year! I would just go dig out a scoop and savor it every once in a while. :D The choke cherries are for her, too! She made this amazing choke cherry syrup. Oh man, was it good! And you know something funny? My Dad just told me that the syrup was an accident! It was meant to be jam, but after that, they'd always ask her to make it into syrup. :D Lucky me, because I love it as syrup!! :D We had strawberries in Rose Park and truth be told, that was the first gardening experience I ever had. Mom and Dad would make little sections of garden for each one of us and we could plant whatever we wanted. :D I want to do that for my kids someday. In case you haven't already guessed, I am a very sentimental gardener, just like my Mom! ;)

Just for the record, the picture doesn't do them justice and I promise to take more when they've been there for a little while. They're just tired from their long journey in the wheelbarrow! ;)

This is a silly picture of Emily who didn't help at all, but who is still cute! :D You'll notice her backpack is still on... we led her out with her eyes closed to see what we had done while she was at school. Gracie helped quite a bit and Landon we mostly chased out of the berry patch! :D

I am Significant

Sometime last year, I had a few unfilled moments and after reading my friend and first Ricks roomie Nancy's blog, I clicked on some of her friends' blogs just for fun. :) I had a few grins and went about not really thinking about it. A couple of weeks later, Nancy put a plea out on her blog for a sister of a friend who had been in a plane crash. I went back to a blog I had chanced upon and a very strong connection formed for me and a lot of other people to this beautiful family. CJane's sister NieNie and her husband had been in a plane crash in Arizona. I have a hard time describing how much their story has touched me. I always think about leaving comments and I never do because I never know what to say. That's what this post is for me... just working through it and attempting to say what's in my heart.

The biggest chord that this touches in me is that of a mom not being able to take care of her children. This is a fear of mine. My family is so unique with all that Becca brings and I get in this place where I think that I am the only one that can do it. It's what keeps me from hiring babysitters and what makes me apologize over and over and over if I leave them with family overnight. Most of this stems from how high maintenance I know they all can be. Becca is 9 and has to be changed often if you want the surface underneath her to stay dry... and she isn't able to tell you what she needs, you just have to know... and her feeding tube can make you feel squeamish and... and... and... My death or incapacitation (not being able to take care of them) are great fears of mine. Sisters and family stepped in to watch over and nurture NieNie's children while she healed. I know that people would do that for me, but I know I would apologize if they had to. Over and over. Its being difficult is not something I shy away from and I embrace it and love it even! But the thought of someone else having to shoulder that burden is hard for me to think about. Am I selfish? Why am I not able to lean on others, but would gladly take upon me any burden of theirs? If any of my nieces and nephews got to come live with me, we would have so much fun! And I'm sure there would be stressful times, but honestly, there is so much love in my heart for them, it would be far more blessing than trial. Why can't I afford others that feeling?

Another reason NieNie's story touches me so much is the healing process she is going through. I have tried to imagine waking up in a hospital bed and being told all that was needed to be told and then having such a painful process to go through. Physical pain of healing skin and surgeries and physical therapy. Spiritual pain of watching others do for my family things I cannot yet do. I get this super-human feeling when it comes to how strong I think I am. I am tough because I have to be and I do what needs to be done regardless of what I'm thinking or feeling or doing at the moment. How would it be if that were taken away from me in a very tangible way? How could I relinquish my duties?

When I was young, there was a woman in my ward who was diagnosed with cancer. She was a very controlling person and was very adamant that this would not happen to her... she would not let it. Her husband would not marry anyone else and this just would. not. happen. Well, it did very slowly take her life away. I have reflected on this often to mean that Heavenly Father is in charge. The trials that He sends us are for reasons that He alone knows sometimes. I don't want to be someone who is ungrateful enough not to learn from my trials and mistakes. But it is so hard to let go of that control. I want to learn how before I am forced to. I think that, in its very core, is why I love to read and cry along with NieNie and CJane. I want to learn how to be humble and grateful. I love basking in her strength and the strength that emanates from their whole family taking care of each other. I want to celebrate being able to pick up a toddler and walk around the house because I do that and it IS very significant. I want to have more meaning in a whispered phrase because it IS significant that I get to do that.

My life seems more significant when I invest my heart in their story. Thank you NieNie for the tears and the lessons I learn from you. I am so glad that you get to be there for your family. I am so happy that you have such a wonderful bond with your husband and that it wasn't taken away, only strengthened. Thank you for sharing all of your moments, great and small, with the rest of us because it means a lot to me. And even though you don't know me, that IS very significant!

Random Questions

Be tagged and do this on your own blog if you wanna! ;)

1. Have you ever been searched by the cops? No

2. Do you close your eyes on roller coasters? I usually avoid them, truthfully, but yeah, pretty much. :)

3. When's the last time you've been sledding? at least 10 years ago.

4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone? Only hubby... I will re-tuck in a kid and talk and sing to them if they need it, but they sleep in their own beds. Firm rule. :D

5. Do you believe in ghosts? to a degree

6. Do you consider yourself creative? Depending on the medium, yes. :) Fabric... big yes. Writing... yes. Paper arts... not so much.

6. Do you think O.J. killed his wife? Oh yes!

7. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie? Hmmm, as artists, Jennifer Aniston makes more movies that I am willing to watch and she seems like a genuinely nice person... I guess I'd choose A over B.

8. Can you honestly say you know ANYTHING about politics? Yes, I'm very much for voting for the person and not the party and so I try to research things out before I vote.

9. Do you know how to play poker? Nope and don't care if I ever do.

10. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight? No, I don't think so. My body shuts down if I try to stay up even one night all the way through... I've never been able to make it.

11. What's your favorite commercial? I loved the rubberband man one for Office Max with the guy who ended up being on "My name is Earl." :D Still makes me jive. :D I also, guiltily used to love the Joe Boxer commercials. I CANNOT watch that one and not crack up laughing! Apparently I have a thing for dancing black men. :D I'm sorry you had to find this out about me, Mom! :D

12. Who was your first love? Well, honestly, if we're going for really, really first here I'm sure it would be Big Bird. If you're going for really real honest, healthy and returned love, that would be Geoff. :) Awwww!

13. If you're driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around you, do you run the red light? Probably not. I would, however, back up over the sensor again so that it would turn green! :D

14. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you? I don't think so. I mean, I don't tell other people's stuff unless they say it's okay, but I think there are people that know pretty much everything about me... if they put it all together anyway. :D

15. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees? Let's see... those are somewhere East of here, right? :D

16. Have you ever been Ice Skating? Yes at Ricks with my fabulous, Olympic ceremonies skating roommate. :D It was fun because she had fun. :)

17. How often do you remember your dreams? A lot and I always have super weird ones when I'm pregnant!

18. What's the one thing on your mind? Well, after looking it up on youtube, those commercials are now stuck in my head! :D

19. Do you always wear your seat belt? YES. Always.

20. What talent do you wish you had? Playing the piano.

21. Do you like Sushi? I have no idea.

22. What do you wear to bed? Pajama pants and a tee shirt... sometimes socks, sometimes not.

23. Do you truly hate anyone? No, it's not worth the canquer on my own soul.

24. If you could have dinner with one famous person, who would it be? Religiously... Elder Eyring. Worldly... Anne Hathaway.

25. Do you know anyone in jail? Yes.

26. What food do you find disgusting? Mushy asparagus.

27. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back? Maybe in retrospect I have shared a funny anecdote or two with my husband about people in my past, but I would never be malicious. Mostly because I would hate it if other people talked that way about me.

28. Have you ever been punched in the face? Yes, actually. I was working at a haunted house for a service club at Ricks. A couple of guys (who turned out to be drunk) came through a room and the one says to his friend, "Watch this!" and lays back and slugs me. I was completely shocked and had a incapacitating headache the next day.

29. Do you believe in angels and demons? Yes.

Finding Joy in the Journey

My more loyal readers may have gathered that I teach Relief Society as well as help out with Activity Days. I love them both and I hope that I do such a good job that nobody notices that I do both and take one of them away from me! ;) My RS lesson is the 4th Sunday and I am lucky enough to get to teach the Teachings for Our Times, which means I get to review Conference talks! It is such the best! This past week's lesson was from the Prophet called Finding Joy in the Journey. If you haven't read it recently, get over there and read it! It is AWESOME!

I asked if anyone remember the radio station KUTR "Sounds like Utah." Yes, I even sang the jingle. :D But nobody remembered it! When I was a kid, in Rose Park, my Mom used to listen to it all the time! When we moved away to Arizona, Aunt Colleen used to tape it for her and send it. :D Anyway, there was this song that played all the time called "Wishing my Life Away." It talked about being happy when I have kids... being happy when my kids are grown up... etc... etc... I think so often we do that to ourselves and how sad is that?! Never to be happy in the moment, but to be wishing you were further along life's timeline. I have always tried not to do this. I have these "take stock" moments where I just pause and make sure I'm not going too fast. I don't want to miss all the little stuff! Even if I don't get a chance to write everything down, I want to remember what their little cheeks feel like against mine. I want to remember short little arms around my neck. I never want to forget the "I love you, too, Mom"s and the garbled toddler-speak that means basically the same thing. :) Don't get me wrong, I see benefits to having kids old enough to babysit each other and things like that, but I don't want to miss the here and now! President Monson mentions how changes that are incremental have a way of becoming monumental quicker than we realize.

We are expecting our fifth child. We both really felt like we had one more coming and we are so excited for them to get here in September. I remember telling my Mom that I just can't imagine never having another baby... never being pregnant again. Now I can. :D I'm really feeling like 5 will be just the perfect number for us. Talk to me in a couple of years, just to make sure, but right now, I'm thinking this will be our grand finale. :D Our changes this year will be big. We'll start the school year with a new baby, a 4th grader, a 2nd grader and a Kindergartener and a big brudder at home! Wow! But before we get to that, I get to be pregnant and I'm finally getting past the sick stuff (I hope!). I need to finish registering Gracie for Kindergarten and pray all summer that she chills out sufficiently that I don't get notes home in the fall! :D We get to make lots of trips to the library to keep books in Emily's hands. I get to lift Becca carefully and avoid lifting her trusty wheelchair if I can help it. I get to laugh a lot at our toddler-sized comedian and get lots of sticky hugs and kisses from him. We get to play outside and work on new gardens and building a new playhouse and swing set. So many fun things are right around the corner! I definitely don't wish these things away! There is a time and a season for all of these things.

The biggest thing about the talk I got to discuss during my lesson that I, personally, learned was about gratitude. What better way to enjoy the journey than by thanking Heavenly Father every day with every breath for every second we have. I joked that even my blessings on the food have become more meaningful during this stage of pregnancy, but it's true! How thankful I am for the food on our table, the gas in our cars, the time spent with Geoff... things I missed not very long ago. :) We show gratitude in so many different ways. We say it... in prayer, in words to our neighbor, in notes and cards. We show it... we reciprocate, we do kind things without being asked, we give hugs. And most of all, we mean it... we are genuine and sincere. We show gratitude to our Heavenly Father by using the gifts He gives wisely and often. When I take time morning and night to thank Heavenly Father for the bounty in my life, it helps me focus on what's most important and pay attention to the little stuff. I think often of Elder Bednar's admonition to "periodically ... offer a prayer in which we only give thanks and express gratitude."

Most of the time I was teaching, I forgot that the Stake Relief Society Presidency, our Bishop AND the Stake President were in the room. :) I get caught up by the Spirit of the lesson and the excitement I have to share what I have learned and have been thinking about. I pray so much and meditate on things that by the time the words come out of my mouth, I feel more like a mouthpiece than the speaker. I hope with all my heart that when I stand up there, I am able to say the things that Lord most wants our ward to hear. It's an incredible experience and I really do love it. :)

My Mom surprised me BIG TIME by driving all the way out to listen to me and she said that I didn't seem nervous. I really can't explain that because I do obsess about what I'm going to say and how it will come out up until Sunday morning. But I never re-read and re-hash the lesson on Sunday morning because I feel like the panic makes me lose the real focus. I do all I can and then I spend Sunday being calm and praying for peace. It's what works for me. :) I so loved having my Mom there! She tricked me... she snuck in and sat on the other side of the room and then used my sister's name when they pointed her out as a visitor! :D I heard that and got up and walked across the room to sit by her! :D When they did the good news minute, I said, "I have 2 good newses. This is my Mom! And I'm expecting!" :D It was fun! I whispered and asked her why she had used Laura's name and she whispered back, "because she would have loved to be here, too!" :D The kids loved getting picked up by Grandma since we had a shortened schedule and getting a hug before she jetted back to the city to go to her own ward. That meant SO much to me!

Love each other! Say it often! Read the Ensign! Read your scriptures! Say your prayers! The Church is true! Heavenly Father loves You! And so do I! :D